Abandonment: How can it cause Victimization?

Abandonment wounds can grow from adult years concerning relationships but the root stems from childhood. Lack of support, recognition, rejection, absense of commitment and fully abandoning parents are deep planted seeds of wounds that become surpressed and a ripple effect occurs during the phases of life.

The roots of these actions cause other wounds such as rejection, injustice and self worth issues that often infringe future relationships. Self worth issues can ignite personal issues concerning shame, especially later on as the child may become a people pleaser to gain others approval and commitment early on in their innocence of years.(urges then manifest to give ones self easily to gain acceptance along with influences of low self worth) Future young adult and adult relationships that manifest of these hidden emotional currents create tides of more turmoil and reinforce the old beliefs and thinking patterns; it almost validates the wounds and reinforces behavioral patterns of destruction that feed the pain of the inner child. It keeps the cycle perserved in ones life.

Consider some of the causes of when a child experiences rejection, abandonment and lack of support. Do you think that a child could have an issue from a perpetrator and be rejected when they need support? How about when a child waits by that window for hours and mom or dad never shows up? How about when the wounded father takes his fist to his child and their is rejection and self worth along with shame but no mother there? A father or mother who hold wounds of guilt that may coddle the child and help create lack of personal courage? Do you think that this also causes poor confidence and influences levels of persevering in their male or female groups of identity? Add on the lack of recognition as well.

Neglect is a large form of abandonment as well. When a parent ignores a childs cry for help becuase thay choose not to believe or do not want to face the truth; that abandons the support, love and security the child deserves and needs while they are trying to recover from a perpetrator or other form of inner wounds. Neglecting to listen and follow through with our children and their concerns can cause and enable the current damamge being done by ignoring it and not applying corrective actions. That is neglecting and abandoning. What else can be infringed upon a child due to this?

In any way do you think that self love and self worth were taught concerning neglect and abandoment?

How about betrayal!? A child looks up to their superiors; dont they? The authorities that lay out the rules. Wouldnt that explain why many pre teens rebel? Do you think a child that has been abandoned and neglected trusts authorites and holds a deep level of respect and faith in them? Why would they? So now we can conclude and understand where trust becomes a big issue and respects to "superiors".

I always laid it down to any female superior especially in school; no joke. I was one to give such a cold cunning demeanor to men and it came so natural as well. It became close to a primal instinct. I turned into "Maltese falcon".

I want to stay on topic but consider this along with Sexual, Verbal and Physical abuse.

Lets look at the issues with lack of parental support. Well there is the practical trial and sadly error, School guidance counselors that have not gotten their wounds healed yet and are pretty ignorant in their level of expertise and exalt little passion and astute practice.

Pathetic story; Counselor from East Rochester -Rochestercross-examine; A 5 year old little girl reluctantly relayed her the deep data, she clearly was unworth of her job becuase she then accused her of sexual harrasment!? The girl was persecuted by both parents, judged, slapped, rejected and the abuse continued until the day "he" was caught. It caused more feelings of shame and it along with the abuse degraded self worth and innocence along with the ability to express her woman hood later on. She felt so betrayed and alone. It caused boundary issues (the ill supported wounds and abuse) at young and she became subjected to a few more perpetrators but luckly not to the intercourse extent.

Mrs. Oleary clearly had her emotional baggage still imprinted and sadly she is a Counselor!? She took it out on a 5 year old! The parents still held wounds but abused relationships for a security and had kids; sadly!? You see how the viscious cycle remains alive and active?

So you see how much self ignorance can cause obstruction and erradication!?

Then there is the close friend that expells it all out like the town crier and so on.............................................So what happens? Then the friends parents that may want to help but could not follow through what they started. Do you think that the child feels more alone and looses faith in being cared about? Do you think that the child will eventually want to run away?


Here is another issue as a child then tries friends or associates:

Case study: Single girl lives alone, no parents, aunt, uncle grandparent, works at EJ Delmonte Corp and attends full time college. She works in a chatty office of mainly females. Courious to experience a woman to woman connection she never had becuase she had no mother, grandma, aunt nothing. Girl lives now in the city and is a young 19 year old against the grain concerning race and gender in her apartment building. She has been undergoing much rejection, hatred, abuse and degrade; finnaly she breaks down and reaches out to express her concern after a year of it. She goes to a friend from work. All she wanted to do was spend a night with a friend to console her pain and get away from the rejection. No; the 25 year old friend offers her a "substance" and spreads the news to her girl friend at her job over the phoone. The girl friend on schedule at EJ spreads the news and so on...Now do not forget that females especially ones that cannot relate to abandonment or large levels of abuse will overdue or obstruct the condition even more concerning their ignorance of the issues with possible untamed emotions. So the message went on and was improvised and the supervisor was contacted at her home way away from the 19 year old. "No self infliction was done in that circumstance or proof it be done before concerning suicide and no words of it; she was under a substance influence in "nirvana". 19 year old girls first actual instinct when she saw the three cops was; "wow she set me up or something". The supervisor made no effort to contact the girlfirend with the 19 year old to get truth in the circumstance or even console the 19 year old. She took it upon herself to construct an ignorant factless diagnosis and called the cops to file a suicide crisis. The 19 year old was again pursecuted and threatend; against her will she had to go to the hospital or be arrested. She went and was immediatly released and then lost her job at EJ Delmonte ironicly the day she came back to work! This has happened to her in this demeanor many times. She has also been attacked by woman older than her becuase she would not lie for their DWI. Thrown out again with acts of haste and rejection. Added persecution to have her made to feel shame and guilt along with senses of unworthyness.

Males and females undergoe this betrayal trying to find one to confide in. Even at churches this happens.
Then consider if the male or female is attractive; more ridicule in catty demeanors.

Then consider ones that do not use illegal drugs or commit crimes; a clean record. Those individuals become victims of attacks becuase the innocence in that demeanor they hold is a threat to their perpetrators hanus activity. The perpetrator starts to feel their inner wounds and guilt just by the presence of what challenges their integrity and holds enough intelligent and psychological growth to discern. It creates more attack, persecution, rejection and haste unto the individual. Also consider females more especially; set-up as a victim just by living alone, they become an easy target.

So you see; how one resorts to a void to console them when they want to release the wounds that started young; its as if you get pursecuted for releasing your pain. You just end up going it alone. Its not even if you act out and are aware you lied, falsified, stole, cheated etc.....its just the sense of wanting comfort while releasing wounded concerns and one to confide in.

In simple terms they just want a parent becuase they are a child and it was the parents choice to create and they deserve to be nutured with Justice.

I will discuss shame  in another post becuase shame can cause one to create it for themselves and they will then "not want to listen, hear or speak about it" similar to their infringed emotional pain they endured at the roots of childhood first causing shame.

The lack of parenting and the damages from refuge they seek create emotional pain which causes an emotional need; the intimacy. This issue in many cases and most is aroused by a shamfull event that keeps resonating................but no guidance in Justice; they will connect to intamacy alone in implanted and known demeanors of shame.

Shame becomes the form of intimacy and the way to connect the spark of it from the begining.

So this girl has had betrayal from; parents, siblings, school counsel, friends, parental figures of friends, employers, boys, men, criminals, authorites......................................ya see?


Run away from what? Unloved, rejection, hatred especially concerning what they then have to face in public schools, petty catty garbage! Running away from where it began and where they feel alone and unwanted.

Of course then we have the eager opposite sex! More confusion on top of no foundation of self worth, love, encouragment and support with consistancy and promise!

Resentment will build to superiors and utter lack of any faith; trying to put faith in them is like trying to open a cork in an aged wine bottle with your finger tips in Alaska. Pointless! I'll just go talk to the wall, thank you! I know the wall will be there................or the relationships, sex, food, drugs etc. Those will always be. They are promising. They can alway be relied upon along with the social identity that can be attained along with them will temper the feelings of rejection. Now a relationship begins. Ya see?

How about when a child is being abused and the parent does not support them and even may make them feel ashamed especially concerning sexual abuse? Do you think that that may cause sense of betrayal?

Sad thing is that even if there are two parents both may argue over the issues that a child has and ignore the needs of the child in their power struggles! This especially concerning when a child is abused by a sibling or another family member. (its very common between "step" family members) Any family caused abuse makes it worse becuase the fear of embarrasment that the family may endure; so at many times the child gets punished! Creating more low worth and shame along with rejection! Then consider when the parents try to discipline a kid from the turmoils they created! Really!? You want to discipline me after my behavior has been arrooused by yours! really!? Do not forget after the many years of abandonment and betrayal I have little audacity for you at that point and from your past actions and lack of actions it is percieved as a negative demeanor and abuse.

So far this discourse has been objective to actual facts but simplified. I have yet to begin the symantical and articulated facts and delineation of damage done. We "chafed" the ignition and stroked the fumes.

Holly M. Colino